Lists, Memes and Other Pointless (but fun) Crap

I wrote this awhile back and forgot to post it. Here ya go:
Everyone in the blogosphere likes to post lists, photo shopped pictures, or those meme things. Meme is a fancy word for pain in the ass writing assignment, usually about inane shit. Photo shopping is a fancy term for taking a boring picture and attempting to make it funny by adding stuff, using specialty software. List is a fancy word for...items lined up, vertically, in a row. Okay, now that we've cleared that up, I have a confession: I do not have photo shopping software and nobody likes me enough to pass a meme to me. So I have to resort to the primitive task of list making. Here is a list of my Tuesday Twelve, "Things You Will Never Hear In My House:"

1. "What are we going to do with all of this ____ (time, money, laundry detergent)?"
2. A pin drop.
3. Any sentence with the word "please" attached to it.
4. "Here, Mom, let me help you."
5. A condom being opened (not by the adults, anyway.)
6. The sound of tofu being consumed. Nasty.
7. "The Wiggles" CD
8. The clicking of knitting needles. I can think of 501 other activities I'd rather do, including having my toe nails ripped off. (no offense to those of you who knit.)
9. A sigh of boredom, relaxation or meditative exercise.
10. The hiss of a snake. I will not allow snakes for pets...ever.
11. The cry of a newborn (unless it belongs to a visitor.)
12. Anything to do with Oprah Winfrey.